either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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