The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
