My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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