I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
