you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
