They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize