He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
