you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
