just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
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