two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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