chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
