I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
