so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
