I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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