Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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