It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
