That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize