I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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