i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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