dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
