I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
