U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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