After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
