i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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