apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize