i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
