I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
