Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
