I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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