Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
