At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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