I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
