I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
