yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
