Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
