why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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