It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
