You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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