Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
