all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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