So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize