I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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