I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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