the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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