i was born a porn star she said
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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