the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
