On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
