I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
