You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
