i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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