Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
