I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
