So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize