3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I am midnight drunk by noon
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm both gender and math confused
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
