I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize