i may or may not be watching the land before time
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
