I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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