I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
