Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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