you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
