kristin has been a bad kristin
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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