dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
