Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
