3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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