Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
