Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize