You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
