sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize