if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
