i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
