we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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