I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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