I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
