Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
