I feel like I'm in dance class right now
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
