sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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