no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
