if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
