No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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