i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
