when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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