I want to stick my p in your. b.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
