I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
