wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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