Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
