I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
