I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm like, not good at living.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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