Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
