I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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