3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
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