i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
