Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
