I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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