I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
