Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
