Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
