soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
