if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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