I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
